Katniss' Survival
by LaughalotLeahxPeetaTHG
Summary: How will Katniss survive back in District 12 now that Peeta is back and she wants to kill herself? Rated T just to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

Katniss P.O.V.

*Takes place the morning after Peeta plants the primroses*

"Prim!" I keep trying to get closer to her and warn her of the bombs that are soon to come to claim her, but it seems she gets even farther away from me as I am running towards her. She finally seems to notice I'm running to her, but it's to late because when she sees me her entire body is engulfed in flames. At that moment my body freezes in place as I watch Prim burn to ashes in front of my eyes. I try to yell to her but my voice just cracks, not at all audible. Then I hear the click of a weapon and President Snow's evil laugh. Then he says, "Oh, Katniss. I thought we promised not to lie to each other." I scream at the sudden piercing pain in my left shoulder blade. I fall to the ground, my whole body already covered in blood. As my sight starts to go darker and I know I'm losing to much blood, I hear screams in the distant that's starts to get closer. Once close enough I can just make out who it is who' s screaming. It's Peeta. He's screaming my name. "Katniss! I'm coming!" I then completely black out.

"Wake up, Katniss! wake up!" I bolt upright in my bed, drenched in a cold sweat and my throat burning and scratchy from screaming. "It's okay Katniss, it was just a nightmare." I realize it's Peeta, holding me in his arms trying to calm me down. "I killed her." I say emotionless, my voice very hoarse. I can only think of how I killed my sister who I was supposed to protect from harms way. Instead I harmed her myself, by letting her die in the Capitol, for killing her. Why aren't I dead? I killed so many people,and most are from the district who I don't even know the names of. That's how cold and horrible Panem must see me. The Mockingjay. I should be dead. But the only way for me to do that is to do it myself. "You didn't kill her Katniss, it's not your fault." Peeta says to me. "I killed her, I killed her, I killed her." Is all I say. Because it's true. I have to return the favor to myself though.

**This is my first fanfiction ever so please review to tell me what you think of chapter 1! next will be up very soon! Keep reading!**

**- Leah :)**


	2. Chapter 2

Peeta P.O.V.

It wasn't her fault her sister died. If anything it was Gale's fault, considering it was his bomb that got dropped. Gale. I don't hate him, but I don't like him either. I respect him at least. Katniss must not think anything different of him, because she is blaming herself for this action. Of she most hold him responsible for something, unless she is as sick as she seems to be. How long has this been going on? Her nightmares? Her self hatred? Has she even been eating or taking her medicine? She looks thin, so thin that I can count all of her ribs. Her face, skin looks pale. To pale to be healthy. Her voice tells me she hasn't had water since we were in District 13. Something is going on. Something I know I won't like.

"Come on, let's go get some breakfast. I'm starving." I say, trying to get her out of bed. Who knows how long it's been since she even left this room?

She struggles at first but after some time she agrees and slowly goes down thestairs and slumps at the kitchen table, holding her chin her hand with her elbow on the table.

"I'm not hungry." She states to me, with the samesound in her voice as this morning.

"You need to eat something, Katniss." I say urging her to take some food.

"Like I told you, I'm not hungry. I don't need to eat now." She tells me, looking off to the wall in front of her.

It worse than I had imagined. She is just simply, refusing to eat. I can tell it's been going onsince she's been back. So instead I go get a cup of water and set it in front of her along with her daily pills. She doesn't take them. Doesn't even move. Just continues to stare off into space, expressionless. Oh, no.

"Katniss you need to take your pills. Your doctors orders."

She takes a long time to answer, as if she was thinking about what to say. Then she replies in yet the same tone, "No, later maybe."

How can this be happening? This Katniss is lifeless. She has no will to live. But she wouldn't end her life. I know that. I know her. Do I? I still have horrible flashbacks of her trying to kill me, but I know it isn't real. But she isn't the same Katniss, the Katniss I know I have loved my whole life.

"I'm going to bed." Her voice breaks my thoughts. She is up the stairs before I can stop her. Sleeping to much isn't healthy for her state. I also know that she must be in some routine of this everyday. Sleep, stay in bed without eating, drinking or taking any pills. I run up the stairs and to her door. She needs help. I don't like the feeling I am getting from her actions. I try to open the door, but it's locked. Obviously to stop me from dragging her out of bed again. Who knows what could come out of this. In a panic, I sprint to Haymitch's house. I need his help, and possibly he can tell me what Katniss has been doing before I came back to the District. Hopefully he is sober, wich supprisingly he is. Just as me and Haymitch make eye contact in his liquor-smelling living room, theres a crash. A loud one. We both look at eachother again then out of his window. We both know where the sound came from. Katniss' bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

**All of you that have read so far, here is chapter 3. :) I am going to post chapter after chapter today as quick as i can for a while because I hate to keep people waiting! I know I hate it when I'm reading a fanfiction. So, enjoy! Unless, you know, ya don't like it. :{) *Btw i think I am going to switch each chapter from Katniss POV to Peeta POV. I'm still not sure. I will keep it like this unless I feel like I need to continue in the same person for a chapter***

Katniss P.O.V.

I have to do it now. I can sense Peeta is suspicious, wich will soon expose what I am anticipating. When I look out the window I see Peeta run into Haymitch's house, panic written all over his face. Now is my only chance. Without thinking anymore, I take the lamp that is beside my bed and smash it to bits over my face. Shards of glass punture my face all over leaving blood trickling down every-wich-way. My vision blurry, i grab the kinfe I have locked away in my closet and aim for my thighs. Dizzy, I miss, and the kinfe plunges with full force into my abdomen. Even better. I can already sense my sight going black. But I realize I can't be here when it happens. Peeta will surely find a way in here and try to save me. That can't happen. Before I can muster up the courage to do anything to leave, i fall back into the closet. I know i won't be able to get to my feet so i just close the closet door and simply lock it. then i burry my self in clothes. Before I slip into unconsciousness I can hear loud foot steps storming up the stairs. But i know whoever it is, their to late.

My nightmares are filled with endless ways of every person I ever killed, either in the games or during the war, killing me. Including little Rue. But my only thought is, why didn't any of them do this before? I diserved to die. For killing them, their families and loved ones. The only reason I can muster up is the fact that I was the Mockingjay, and that they needed me for the rebellion that I never had any knowlledge of until it was to late. Until Peeta was gone from my grasp. I know I love him, and that I always did. I also know that his suffering is my fault. If I could have followed out in my plan to kill everyone there, including myself, he would have been crowned victor. But I didn't keep him safe like I was supposed to. Just like for Prim. Sweet, Prim. Who had to de because of me, the Mockingjay. I hate it. I don't know what, but I know I failed on everyone I loved. They all died because those poisonous berries I just had to pull out in the first place. How much hatred them must all have towards me... That's when my thoughts just go completely blank.

**Next chapter will be today I'm sure. Sorry I take so long, sometimes I get writer's block. :( Review! Keep reading! Love it! (i hope :{O) **

**- Leah ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**You know how I said that I might keep it the same character's P.O.V. for more than one chapter? Well I felt i needed to do that with Katniss in this chapter. Don't hate me! Peeta is the next chapter. :) Here's chapter 4! Enjoy!**

Katniss P.O.V.

My eyes fly open. My body is frozen. This nightmare is the absolute worst yet. It was Peeta and I in our second arena. Except he was now gone. Then i heard his screams in the trees, that must have been coming from jabberjay's. My ears bled from the horrific screeching of his voice ringing in my ear drums. I started to get attacked by muttations before I could try and find Peeta to stop his pain. I hated when he was being hurt. I then saw a hovercraft come and lift Peeta's body into the air, obviously missing the cannon that signals his death. So if it wasn't jabberjays, then. . .

That's when I woke from the horror. There's a searing pain in my stomach, plus sharp sensations scattered on my face. Suddenly the day's events from yesterday start rolling into my thoughts. Lamp, knife, closet, footsteps. Footsteps. . .

That's how I ended up in my bed. Peeta must have broken into my room because the commotion he must have heard me creating. I can hear his screams echo in my head. I need to see him. I need to see that he is safe. But when I try to swing my legs out from under the sheets, avoice stops stops me. His voice.

"Don't move. You'll only make the pain worse."

Peeta was sitting at the edge of my bed, watching me closely. I have no idea how I didn't sense his presence before now. I guess my hunting skills are already fading. I make a mental note to go there before sundown today. If I can sneak out of this room.

Ignoring Peeta's orders, I sit up, wincing in the process. Then I decide to ask him the question that has been crawling in my thoughts, "Are you okay?"

He looks shocked by my accusation. Then says with sarcasm hinted in his tone, "Am I okay? I was just about to ask you the same thing."

Now I am at a loss for words. What do I say to him? How do I explain why I did what I did? I just simply get up from my bed to leave the tension in the room. I linger in the doorway, with my back faced to Peeta and say, "I've never been better." Then I start to descend the stairs. Then just as I had suspected, Peeta starts following close behind me.

"What does that mean?" He asks me with his normal tone. It must be obvious to only me then. "It means you stayed all night for nothing. I'm fine."

I slump at the kitchen table. Peeta stands there, looking me down. Then he makes eye contact again and states as he sits with me at the kitchen table, "I'm never leaving you only again."

I decide not to say another word. There is really no point in arguing him this time, because I can tell how he feels. But I still won't listen to him, either.

"I made breakfast before while you were still asleep. I'll get some for you now." He tells me.

I immediately shake of his idea. I don't want to eat. What I realize I want is to get to the woods. I need to hunt. I just need a way to get out for a while.

"No thanks. I'm not in the mood for a meal." I simply state, hoping he'll just give in.

"Katniss, you need to eat something." Great, this argument again.

"Can I at least take my medicine first, like I normally do?" I ask, trying to pull off to him that I have actually been take my medication from Doctor Aurelius.

"And then you'll eat?" It seems like its the millionth time he as asked this same question.

"Yes, then i will eat." I lie to him. He takes a while to think over what he wants to say, and I can feel a long spech coming but then he simply says,

"Okay. But don't be long. I'll get you something to eat, though." I get out of my seat and go back up the stairs and into my room. I take out my full pill bottles and set them on the dresser. Should I take them or not? I don't think it will really help with anything though. I haven't been taken them fro months no and I'm fine in health. Well, at least I believe so. Then I get an idea.

This is my chance to sneak away from Peeta for just a few hours to go hunting. I get on my hunting close I would usually wear and slip on my boots. Then I decide to take my father's old hunting jacket. Who knows, it might be cold out there. Then I grab my bow and sheath of arrows from the closet.

Without doing anything else I quietly slip away down the stairs and out a window. Hopefully Haymitch won't see me leaving the Victor's Village. I manage to sneak off without being disturbed. So much for eating with Peeta.

**Sorry it took me long to post this chapter. If you have any ideas just tell me in a review! oh, yeah . . . Review! Next chapter is Peeta's P.O.V**!

**-Leah :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**I am so sorry for not posting earlier. But I have gotten some messages of my fanfiction in my email that tell me to keep it up, and that they love it so far. Thank you! I HATE to keep readers waiting! I got one message telling me to make sure Peeta visits Haymitch so he will be seen more, especially in this chapter. So, here is chapter 5!**

Peeta's P.O.V.

The way she was when I found her. . .

I'll never forget it, even though I want to. I don't think Haymitch will forget either. But she's fine now, right? If Haymitch hadn't broken down the closet door when he did, she would have died in there, without a doubt. I know now that I can't leave her alone again. Who knows what she might do now that we know what she is anticipating for herself. But why would Katniss want that? She stills has her mother, Haymitch, and me. . .

I haven't been here for her. I spent months wallowing in District 13 while Katniss was here, alone, trying to stay alive. But now since I wasn't here to help, she just doesn't want to live at all. At least she has been taking her medication, and is willing to without my demand. That's progress, right?

A knock at the front door breaks me from my thoughts. It must be Haymitch, coming to see Katniss. He hasn't said it, but he cares about her. Alot. Just like I do. I walk over to the door and swing it open, confirming my suspicions. Stands in front of me is a hung-over Haymitch, witha bottle of who-knows-what in his hands. Guess that's his morning meal.

"Hey, Haymitch. Did you come to see Katniss?" I ask while stepping aside, allowing him to enter. He follows my read and comes in. The he says back,

"Yeah. Where is she?"

"Upstairs. Getting, taking her medication. Go" I don't bother to ask Haymitch what he wants to say to Katniss, because I don't need to know. He wants to see how she's doing. Anyone with a heart would.

Haymitch disappears upstairs, so I go back to making breakfast. there's really nothing left to think about our current situation.

"Peeta?" I turn around and see Haymitch, standing at the bottom of the stairs with a big cardboard box. What was in it?

"What is that?" I ask Haymitch casually, because he probably has a bunch of liquor bottles he has left here. Nothing to worry about.

But oh, how wrong I was. Haymitch walks over and places the box on the counter top in front of me. When I look inside of it, the box is filled high with pill bottles. All of the bottles are full. Never touched. I pick one up and exam it closely. These are prescribed to Katniss.

"She's was taking her meds? Looks instead she has been ignoring the fact they were even being sent in."

I was dumbfounded. I don't even know what to think of this. She acted like she had been taking it. She _told_ me she was taking it. How could Katniss just lie?

"What did you say to her when you saw this?" I asked Haymitch, hoping he didn't handle this situation the wrong way.

"That's the other thing I wanted to ask you about." He says, lingering his last word.

"What do you mean, Haymitch?" I ask, starting to get irritated.

Haymitch looks at me for a split second then says, "Katniss isn't even up there, you idiot!" He tells me while laughing. But what he said isn't funny at all. I start to make for the stairs, not believing in his intel, but then he calls after me, "She went hunting, Peeta. You won't find Katniss up those stairs."

I turn around to look at him. He is holding a piece of paper with a strip of tape on it in his hands.

"She left a note on my door. Guess she wanted someone to at least know where she was going off to." walk over to Haymitch and take the note from him. In Katniss' careful handwriting it says,

"Gone to the woods,

- K.E."

Katniss knows I wouldn't have wanted her to go out, that she is in no condition to.

"Chill, lover boy. She'll be back in. Few hours." Haymitch either had to many shots this morning, or doesn't care as my h as I thought he did.

"There is a problem though, Haymitch." I say, looking away from his gaze. He stares at me expectantly. I decide to just tell him rather than wait for his foggy mind to catch on.

"Katniss may never come back again." Who knows where she could be, and what she's really up to?


End file.
